We’re a week and a half into January so there’s a good chance that you’re experiencing one of the following:
- Disappointment – you set some resolutions and they’ve already gone to pot
- Anxiety – you set some resolutions and through sheer bloody mindedness you’re clinging on to them but sense the end is nigh
- FOMO – you didn’t get round to setting any resolutions and are worrying that you’re missing out on some seriously good feelings of virtuousness
Never fear, this two-part post is here to help you take an alternative view on new year’s resolutions (and goals generally) and find some other, more kind and fulfilling, ways to include a bit of aspiration in your life.
Where we go wrong with NYR’s….
The temptation is to:
…..be like a rat out of a trap in January
……adopt the latest bizarre trend – bone broth anyone?
……have no fall back plan, beyond a tantrum of swearing, when life throws us a big muddy curve ball and the year doesn’t play out as we’d hoped
and of course, the obligatory period of self flagellation when we fall off the imaginary self-imposed wagon and land face first in the cesspit of shame.
Beyond all that, my biggest bug bear with NYR’s is that they always seem to come from a place of not being good enough and entice us into the fateful, alarm bell ringing trap of “I’ll be happy when……”.
As you can tell, I don’t really like NYR’s per se, I just don’t really find the spirit of them very useful.
And if you need more convincing, and a bit of a chuckle, take a look at this.
What to do instead?
My preferred method for achieving change is to first start from a place of acceptance. Acceptance of the way things are and who you are right now.
Your worst trait is likely that you’re yet to come to terms with the fact that you’re a perfectly imperfect human being and, no matter how many NYR’s you set, I’m afraid that ain’t gonna change. You’ll always be able to find something about yourself or your life which you’re not 100% happy with.
The sooner you learn to practice a bit of self-acceptance, settle in and get comfy with your great and not-so-great bits, the better chance you have of finding contentment (most days) but also the greater support you’ll be able to give yourself as you move towards positive changes (as opposed to making a bee-line for some self-flagellation in that cesspit of shame).
Don’t get me wrong, having the aspiration to change is a very great thing. It’s exciting, it’s fresh, it keeps us moving forwards, evolving and stops us from getting stagnant and bored.
It’s just healthier and much more likely to happen if it comes from a place of “I’m awesome as I am and I’m interested in getting a bit more awesome.”.
So that’s Part One – where we tend to go wrong with NYR’s and how, by having a solid foundation of self-acceptance, we can set ourselves up for some positive, healthy and sustainable change.
In Part Two (winging it’s way to you on Weds 18th Jan), I’ll be introducing you to my very best thoughts on alternatives to those pesky NYR’s and the kindest ways to become an even more fabulous you.
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If you’re feeling that life isn’t giving you what you need right now and your brain can’t work out what needs to change then I’m here, ready and waiting, to help you unstick your thinking and find the focus and clarity you need to live a bloody good life.